No. 05: The Mammary Memory of the MRI

Things were happening fast. An MRI was scheduled within days. I never had an MRI. It seemed innocuous enough. Within days, I received a thick packet of papers stuffed into a #10 envelope. Ok, I am in marketing, and when you have a professional office, i.e., a hospital, send you an envelope with photocopies and a handwritten address, you might have second thoughts. Luckily, in the scheme of things happening, I let it pass.

I reviewed the papers. Pretty much the top sheet was what to do and expect for the MRI. No metal jewelry, and let them know of other items that might be on your body. Well, I had a new hip replacement just 4 months before. Even though it is titanium, I dutifully took the card out of my wallet and wrote down on the sheet all the particulars of the new hip. I created my own file and also downloaded all the history to date for that wonderful portal.

The day before the MRI, one of my golf gals (GG) and dear friend called. "Hey, when is that MRI time you told us about?"

Me: "Tomorrow at 1 PM."

GG: "Ok, I'll pick you up at 12:15 unless you want lunch or coffee; it can be earlier."

Me: "You do not have to. They said I can drive; no drugs are used in this procedure. And I am retired. You still work. Every day is Sunday to me. I do not want to put you out."

GG: "Don't be stupid. No, you should not be alone during this. I will take you. See you tomorrow." (Click)

My GG arrived right on time as she said. As we drove to the hospital, she told me that with all her procedures that she has had, she knows what it is like. And besides, being on the other side—waiting—might be fun. And she had her laptop; she could still work.

We arrived and went to the Breast Center. The wonderful woman at the desk looked me up and said, "You need to go to the Radiology MRI dept., not here. Just go out the door to your right, and it is at the end of the hall."

GG and I walked out, and there, big as life, was a sign that said MRI. Oh well. To say sometimes I am not with it during this ordeal may just be an understatement.

At the MRI welcome desk, I was checked in. After answering the insurance and wonderful Medicare questions for the umpteenth time, I took my seat.

The waiting room here was not as active as the breast center. My GG and I just talked about her business and had a few laughs—quiet laughs—this is a waiting room in a hospital, remember.

I was soon called. For once, I could leave my purse and jacket with someone; I did not have to carry stuff with me. The nurse took me to another small room where, again, I was going to change into a hospital gown, opened to the front. Then place your items in a locker, and come out the door and stand.

The change was quick, and items stowed. When I came out the door, the nurse was waiting.

"Name, DOB, check. Any metal items on you?" "No. Check." "Any items in your body?" "Oh yes, my hip," and I presented the sheet I had kept with me emblazoned with the date of the operation and details of the hip.

"You are thorough. Luckily, the hip will be a non-issue. Come stand over here on the pad and slowly turn around. We will double-check your body."

As I did as I was told, the machine, the nurse, and I had the same reaction. My glasses! They had metal frames and put everyone—machine and human—in a frenzy. Handing them off, I continued with spinning in the hall.

Next stop was an alcove with computers and another tech, with a large window that looked into a room with a big tube—the MRI.

Tech: "Name, DOB. Have you had an MRI?"

Me: "No. Am I going to be injected with anything?"

Tech: "No. We will just position you face down on the table; your breasts will be positioned through a hole in the table."

Me: "Oh, like the biopsy table. But without the lift."

Tech (just looking at me with no reaction): "And we will slide you into the MRI, and you will just lay there. We have music for you to listen to—OH, and are you scared of being in a confined space?"

Me: "No. Not that I know of..."

Tech: "And the procedure will last approximately 45 minutes. Ready?"

Me: "Yes. Let's get this going."

The nurse and the Tech escorted me into the room. I took off my shoes, and they assisted me onto the table. I really did not need help; I guess they took pity on this old woman. Plus, they told me there is a big glass picture window, and many people walking through the alcove.

Let me tell you, giving birth to three girls, a teaching hospital, and now this... modesty is not in your vocabulary at this point.

Positioning my face onto a pillow area similar to a massage bed, then centering my breasts in the hole, the two went to work. Tugging and pulling and adjusting, the girls were finally in place.

Tech: "Do you want a blanket?"

Me, thinking I am really tired of being asked this, just said, "Yes." I have decided to just take what is offered as they will hound you. The nurse went and got it. Actually, the blanket was nice; they keep them in a warmer, and it was quite comfortable.

Tech: "Did you want music? What would you like to listen to?"

Me: "I think 70s—maybe Billy Joel?"

Tech went and retrieved some earbuds and fitted them on my ears. "How is that?"

Me: "Great."

Tech: "Ok, we are ready to go."

Since all I could see was the floor, I assume I was in the tunnel. And then it began. After a few bars of a song, the MRI machine kicked in. And no music was ever heard.

That is, until the machine was slowing down, I assume coming to the end of this ordeal. It was then I heard the song playing. And I said, "Oh my God."

I was not aware that the people behind the glass could hear you. A voice came out of the air: "Are you OK?"

"Yes."

"We will be in in a moment, and we will help you get off the table."

The two arrived and began to take the blanket and help me get the girls out of the hole and sit up.

Me: "Did you see anything?"

Tech: "The results are sent to the Doctor, and you should hear very soon," ignoring my question. "Why did you react—what was the 'Oh my God'? We thought you were in trouble."

Me: "I guess you were not listening to the music you were playing for me."

Tech: "No. What was it?"

Me: "'Another One Bites the Dust.'"

I laughed. Seeing me laugh, the other two laughed too.

When I got to the waiting room, my GG was waiting.

GG: "How'd it go?"

Me: "It was loud."

GG: "Did they play music? They always asked me what I wanted to hear, although you couldn't hear it."

Me: "Yeah, asking for music is for naught. But let me tell you the song that was playing when the machine got quiet..."