17. The Pronoun Intake Question

I have not placed pronouns next to my name as I have seen many have done. Being of the older generation, I just assumed (and we know what that means) the pronouns you use were evident by how I look and my name. Worse yet, I get confused when they use a plural pronoun with a singular verb. I was reading a bio one day and I had to read it aloud to myself in order to understand the article at all.

As I entered the hospital on B-Day (breast Day) I gave the perfunctory Medicare answers.  And then they threw in a new question.  “What pronoun would you like to be referred as?”  I was taken aback. And I was not sure how to answer that question.

First, you must learn about me. Turns out, I am a Cisgender, or simply cis, an adjective that describes a person whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.. And after much rumination over this conundrum of pronouns, i have found mine. But before i reveal, there is another thought—another conundrum.

From what I have researched, the pronoun is to help learn about the individual. It is an indication that you understand that gender expression does not equal gender identity. So that means, you're not judging people just based on the way they look and making assumptions! Isn’t that what we always do? We base our assumptions on what we see—red, white, black, handicapped. I am not saying it is right— it is wrong to judge a book by its cover.

Alas, I was wrong. It turns out knowing each other's pronouns helps you be sure you have accurate information about another person. In any social situation, it is important to learn about the other person—your client, customer, friend and family.

Getting back to the pronoun, and accurate information.  When in any social situation, heaven forbid, I will ask you your name. In fact, I make sure I repeat that name a few times in the conversation (a tip to help you remember, and when you are old as I, that is important.) And, in great networking fashion, I would ask interesting questions like, “What inspired you to become (FILL IN JOB)?” or “What is your routine at that job in the morning?”

Add to these questions, that while I am with you, well, I will refer to you as You and Your name. If you are identifying with what is not on your birth certificate and have changed your name, I am not the birth certificate police or check your drivers license . I guess the problem does arise if you have a “generic name” like a skit years ago on SNL- where the character was named Pat. But even so, when I am with you —YOU will be the pronoun I will use. If I am talking about you (another heaven forbid) I will use your name so the one with whom I am talking  knows exactly who am talking about (got it?).

And how many pronouns should you answer when asked? Is it "she/her" or "they/them" rather than just "she" or "they"? I understand that different iterations reflect that pronouns change based on how they're used in a sentence. And the "he/him" format is actually shorter than the previously common "he/him/his" format. But wait, what used to be all three, now got down to two. Wouldn’t it be easier to shorten to just one pronoun? I guess time will tell.

So here is the answer to the question:  What are your pronouns to be used.  I have always believed that to create change, it starts with the individual. The I— the I has the idea, the concept, and the will to go through whatever it takes to make change. I also learned it is important to be yourself—in writing, in life, in social situations. You must love yourself. So my first pronoun is I.

Once that “I” has begun the impetus to make change, then lets face it, you need a WE..  We need to do it together. We need to fight for the rights, we need to lead the charge. I cannot do it alone, it takes a WE. And by working together, we can get it done. We can make change.

Let us not forget— US! When “I” meets “WE”,  together we become US. ONE ENTITY. ONE working together. The I, the We and the US —and if we need to shorten it to one pronoun when asked, WE. I'm all for using pronouns in the right place at the right time. Whether you're talking to a friend or making a statement, using the appropriate pronouns can make all the difference. When used properly, pronouns can make conversations flow like poetry. So why not embrace the power of pronouns?

Life's too short for over-complicated grammar and over complicated relationships. But let’s review the pronouns.

I- I have breast cancer. US- I am with you to remind you that Early Detection WORKS! WE: Together, all of us, can spread the word on EARLY DETECTION and maybe— WE can find a cure.

Meanwhile- just call me Barb